Saturday, May 7, 2011

Microsoft finally lost it with "To The Cloud"

I realize that these commercials have been out for quite some time, but I just haven't been able to make a post on it because they are so amazingly stupid, they left me speechless. That's not even an exaggeration.

Microsoft's brilliant marketing (Remember "Windows Mohave"? Yeah, that kind of 'brilliant') decided that since "cloud" seems to be a hotword in technology today, they would build off that. Only problem, nothing they talk about has to do with the cloud. At all.

The one that makes me facepalm the most is the "Family Photo" commercial. First, let's let's make it dirt simple: "Cloud Computing" is -according to Wikipedia-
the provision of computational resources on demand via a computer network.
Let me point out a word for your Microsoft. Network. Net. Work. Pulling up Windows Live Photo Manager doesn't have shit to do with the cloud. (I'm not even going to mention how absolutely retarded they expect us to be to believe that editing a photo like that will actually look good.)

I'm definitely not alone in this. In an amazing article entitled "Microsoft’s “To The Cloud” Commercials are Embarrassing", the author pretty much says exactly what I've said so far. (I promise, I started writing this post before reading the article.) Here's a good excerpt of trying to get inside Microsoft's (seemingly nonexistant) brain:
From their commercials, it looks like Microsoft thinks the cloud is the internet. To be fair, some people used to refer to the internet as a cloud, but these days it means Cloud computing. But if their commercials instead said “To The Internet”, they would be much more accurate.
I highly recommend reading the rest of that article; it really tears Microsoft a new one.

On a brief note, let me state that Microsoft's marketing has been shitty for a while. Remember "Windows 7 was my idea"? In one commercial, a guy talks about wireless printing, file sharing on a network. That was available at least 10 years ago for Windows. I set up wireless printing and file sharing on Windows XP almost a decade ago, and it was probably around in 2000 (I dunno, I'm a youngin). And god knows how long it's been around on Linux!

Microsft needs to get their heads out of their asses and do two things (1) stop treating us like we're idiots, and (2) stop treating us like we're idiots. One of the reasons I hate Apple's marketing ploy is that it expresses things in very basic matters, but at least they are (sometimes) true. Microsoft is just being idiotic. By releasing the stupid "To The Cloud," they're telling all of the people who know what the Cloud is "We really don't know what's relevant anymore," and to the people who don't know, as soon as they learn, they're just going to think "Wow, Microsoft doesn't even know what it is." If Apple puts itself off as the cool roommate that knows what's happening, Microsoft puts itself off as the creepy older next door neighbor that is desperately trying to seem hip.

That's why I love Linux companies because the users are so involved that they won't accept bullshit like this. Even Canonical, the most "sugar-coating" of all usually offers things in a true, although slightly glamorized way.

Microsoft, you want me to fix your marketing, it's easy. (1) Pick something modern and relevant: don't push features that have been around for forever or are stupid. (2) Be upfront and honest; people seem to respond well to being told the truth. (3) Don't try to copy Apple because that clearly doesn't work for you.

Watching those commercials brings up so many emotions: rage...pity...but mostly just disappointment and a little humor-happiness, because I think it will definitely drive more people to use Linux or BSD, because no one wants to trust their OS to a company that is that fucking stupid.

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